First, I acknowledge that there will always be exceptions. I write about the culture in which we live, where boys are typically conditioned one way, and girls another way. Obviously, these types of situations do not apply to everyone. Rather, these are “norms” in our culture.

I write based on my personal observation and experiences. However, there is research done that coincides with what I have observed.

Here are some differences in the way boys and girls are conditioned. Some of these ways help shape men and women for dysfunctional living and unhealthy relationships:

– Often, girls start at an early age with romantic feelings and the desire for love. This is fine, if it is within a healthy context.

– Boys often mature more slowly in this regard, and that is fine.

– Boys commonly are taught to achieve, to perform in a way that commands respect and admiration. They end up desiring praise, respect and approval.

– Girls are often encouraged to be proper, look, act, smell nice and be pure, etc.

– Boys are often encouraged to be tough, and may be neglected in being trained to act proper, be kind, and to have good hygeine.

– As girls develop, they often strongly desire love, romance, and have sexual desire as well.

– In contrast, many boys develop with less sexual restraint, and are often not interested in romance, but are encouraged by peers and society to enjoy sexual release.

– Girls, from a young age, typically want something special; a loyal connection with the right person.

– Boys often have sexual release at the forefront of their minds. Some dabble into pornography. Competition and achievement are also very important.

– Some girls may even become exposed to pornography as well. Others may indulge in romance novels.

– Many sons have sought approval from their fathers, have not received it, and they do not feel affirmed. Boys may learn the falsehood that their manhood and affirmation comes largely from having sexual activity with as many females as possible. 

– Many girls read romance novels, watch romantic movies, and enjoy fantasies about love, tenderness, marriage, and love making with their hero.

– Some boys are dabbling into self-gratification in pornography, much of it containing violent and perverted acts, aggression, objectifying attitudes and actions toward women.

– Locker room talks with their male classmates and friends falsely validate their behaviors and the distorted views they are developing toward girls and women.

– Numerous young ladies dream of being chosen as the bride of Mr. Right one day, and living happily every after.

– Young men often buy into the run from commitment/stay single/be a bachelor and enjoy many sexual conquests state of mind.

I think many women, including myself, at first believed that men typically had the same desires for love, romance, and loyalty as many women do.

There was no reason for me to think any differently, especially when I read about all of the romantic men in the romance novels, listened to romantic songs written by men, and saw romantic men in the movies. I learned pretty quickly how wrong I was!

I am aware that some men do actually desire to be married and be faithful to one woman, but these are the more rare types.

Many girls are not effectively warned how different men and women are, due to social conditioning, but also somewhat because of wiring as well.

Because of the poor conditioning of boys and girls, it is no surprise that so many women are left broken hearted, used, and taken advantage of by promiscuous men.

She has often been looking for love, security, and society encourages her to do so. He has often been looking for affirmation, to be looked up to. He learns through social conditioning that corporate success, sex, and scoring with as many women as possible is the answer.

We can see why mismatched agendas have been an issue between boys and girls, men and women. Is it a surprise so many women start out on a relentless search to find love, to find Mr. Prince Charming?

In the process she gives her body and heart away over and over, hoping that each man will finally be The One. She hopes he will be the man of her dreams, who will sweep her off of her feet, and love her forever, but she is disappointed over and over again.

Are we surprised that young men who mature more slowly and are often conditioned to believe that their greatest achievements will be career success and getting as many notches on their belt as possible, callously go from woman to woman breaking hearts?

It makes sense that because a young man often has many options, due to the fact that lots of women are on a quest for love, he is easily able to take advantage of and take many women for granted. Why on earth then, would a man with this mentality be dreaming about monogamy, loyalty with one lady? We can see why a lot of guys don’t see it as a goal to settle down any time soon!

Meanwhile, marriage and commitment has been the dream of so many women. God Himself is pro marriage and committment (Genesis 2: 21-24, Proverbs 18: 22).

Natural wiring and the way girls often are conditioned, vs the way boys are often conditioned, results in a mismatch of aspirations and expectations between lots of men and women.

Yet, so many women were not aware of this at first. Not enough people have bothered equipping girls with knowledge about this. Some allow girls to go ignorantly into a quest for love that will not be brought to fruition for a very, very long time, if ever.

• Fathers would do well to give their daughters explicit details about the game. Many withhold from their daughters the treasure of knowledge about the many tricks of some men, and how to deal with these types.

•  Some fathers may simply command  their daughters not to sleep with boys, but that alone is not doing enough to effectively help girls.

• Commonly, fathers disappoint and confuse their daughters by not loving them the way they should, thus helping to create a void in her. It also conditions her to choose a man like her father for a relationship.

• In this kind of situation, it is likely that she is going to seek love and validation with some of the untrained, poorly conditioned boys and men who may use and discard her.

•  Mothers play a main role in modeling for, and instructing their daughters on how a lady should carry herself.

• Mothers and fathers should teach their daughters to value themselves. It would be helpful to make it clear to girls that the romance novels are fake, and so are the fairy tales.

• Mothers should help their daughters to understand that their worth is not dependent upon having a man.

However, there’s only so much a woman knows about the games that some men play. Instead of only throwing out rules about not having sex before marriage, both the father and mother should also be giving girls extensive knowledge. This should prepare them for how to deal with boys, who will often be improperly trained. 

• Fathers especially are equipped to teach their daughters about the ways of many men.

• Fathers should make it top priority to love, train and condition their son (s) properly according to the will of God. 

• Proper training should help boys and girls to respect one another, as well as respecting themselves. Proper training and a father’s proper example by demonstration also begin to prepare boys to be capable of having real and loving relationships.

Righteous, cyclic, conditioning for boys and girls would truly result in a different and better world for both men and women.