Women have a crucial role to play, married or unmarried. Despite the fact that social conditioning, combined with natural wiring influences many women to (sometimes obsessively) pursue relationships and love, marriage on earth is not the end all.

I would love to see more and more women take a leading role in making lasting, positive impact, and contributing to much needed change in the world we live in, regardless of relationship or marital status.

For followers of Jesus Christ, living righteously and leaving a godly legacy is of the upmost importance. I understand the importance of being content and living with kingdom purpose, no matter what season I am in. I should always be working on improving myself, striving to be who God is calling me to be.

I know that if I plan to marry and have children, I must be very prayerful and very selective. Sometimes, women get very caught up in the fantasy of what marriage and family will be like, and fail to tread carefully enough. I know that I should not worry about love, but instead should make my requests known to God, love Him, praise Him, thank Him, love others, and just live! It is in His hands.

Do I mean I am supposed to sit home on the couch, twiddle my thumbs, and hope a man falls into my lap? Absolutely not!

However, I do not want to worry or stress over my desires. I’ve been learning contentment in each season, but let me tell you, it has been a long journey, and I’m still learning. Throughout time, many women have been burned and lived sub-par lives, compared to how their lives should be, because they did not have the knowledge, dignity, or patience to make wise decisions.

To this day, there are many counterfeits and traps awaiting women. I know that I can avoid such traps by keeping God first, being patient, and allowing God to lead me. I look around and see so much pain around me, even in the lives of those who are nearest and dearest to me. A common theme is some women’s suffering in their relationships with men.

It is so important to remember that relationships with men do not define women. Being with Mr. Right is far more important than being with Mr. Right Now. Another important and persistent theme is the suffering of the family unit as a whole, because people have gotten away from God’s commandments and His design.

Starting with those of us who have not yet started a family, we can make a change. I understand the importance of walking in the light, obeying the word of God, in how I live. This way, I will be able to fulfill God’s will in my life and leave a godly legacy. Everything I do should be as unto the Lord, and should be done with kingdom purpose. Colossians 3: 23.

There are many things for me to ponder in advance of marriage. A few important things I consider are:  

1) Motive. I have questioned my motive. If I desire marriage, why do I want to get married?

The goal of marriage is not to compete with fairy tales, and live happily ever after with minimal work, partial commitment, and believing divorce is an option.

The apostle Paul says, “But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;…”

In short, Apostle Paul is speaking with the wisdom of God, pointing out that it is not wrong to marry, but that time is short, life is difficult, and that married people will have troubles. My focus should not be too caught up in the cares of this life. If I marry, obviously, my husband will be an important priority.

My goal in marriage should be to glorify God by marrying a godly spouse and raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (if we have children). According to the word of God, God intended marriage to be permanent.  Matthew 5: 32, Mark 10: 12,  1 Corinthians 7: 10 -11. When I consider these things, I ask myself, do I still want to get married? This is something to think about.

2) Faithfulness and obedience to God.

Am I going to be the kind of wife and (possibly) mother that God calls me to be? My priority is God. First and foremost, I am a daughter of God, and if I marry, secondly I am a wife, then a mother, should we have children.

Will I be willing to be the daughter of God, godly wife of my husband, and godly mother to my children that God says I should be? Proverbs 31, Colossians 3: 18, and Titus 2: 3-5 tells us what a godly wife and mother is.

3) Patience to wait on God.

Am I willing to wait for God’s best? I also want to make sure that my husband will be a man of God, both in word and deed. This applies to him being both a godly husband and godly father. Clearly, he cannot be a chauvinist, unloving, and rebellious against God.

I am very wary of biased attitudes about gender roles or any messed up ideology concerning attitudes and behaviors of boys and girls. I am equally concerned about any ungodly ideology about husbands and wives, men and women, and their roles.

A woman should proactively protect and shield her children from spiritual, emotional, and physical harm by making a safe, wise choice in the man she marries. Ephesians 5 : 25-33, Colossians 3: 19, and Timothy 3 : 4, 5,12 tells us qualities that make a godly husband and father. I wouldn’t want there to be unbiblical differences in how boys are trained, compared to how girls are trained.

Boys are often conditioned vastly different than girls, in a way that causes many disadvantages for girls/women. Boys are also disadvantaged, because this can stunt them from becoming the men that they could and should be, according to God’s word. Both boys and girls clearly need to be trained in the ways of the Lord; not trained based on tradition or society’s standards.

These concerns may seem unwarranted within a Christian marriage, but it surprises me how many people who are Christians allow tradition and the thoughts and ways of the world to creep into their thinking, in how they raise their children, and in the way they live in general.

As a Christian, my aim is to glorify God in all that I do. I know that it is not worth it to get married, if it is not a God-glorifying marriage. In addition to living a life of holiness following Jesus Christ, worship also includes serving others. At my present age, I am not sure I want to have children. However, I do want God’s will to be fulfilled, whatever that entails.