In this post, I will explain my goal in blogging on the topics I write about. Ok, so people want to hear and read about warm, fuzzy, happy things right? So do I! I like talking about those things, too! Life however, is not all about roses, and there are some very important things to be addressed. People are suffering. Some are dying. The topics I write about may ruffle a few feathers and step on toes.

I am talking about real and significant issues that need real change. It is not a personal attack or “bashing.” I write because I care. I pray because I care. Recently, I have stopped watching the news. Many of the stories are stories of violence men perpetrate against women.

Women also are not saints and some are violent against men and children. I briefly tuned into the news again, only to hear more news of random and domestic violence against women.

One primary problem is the seemingly casual attitude of some concerning the plight of women.

The thing is, I am tired. Tired of the violence, the dysfunction, and tired of too many people not reacting appropriately to it. Not all, but many men overall are too quiet about the contempt of some men against women.

I think this is the problem in our society: for some, personal comfort and avoidance of significant matters takes priority over boldly facing problems and choosing to address them correctly. For example, major problems that are being ignored or undermined by some are:

• Breakdown of the family unit.

• Father absenteeism and maternal neglect.

Neglect and absenteeism includes emotional and physical forms.

It also includes the failure of some fathers to rebuke societal evil influence on their sons’ sexuality, all around behavior, and failure of fathers to properly equip their daughters with knowledge about the “game.”

• Global contempt of women and violence against women.

• Persistent misogyny.

Plenty will blame feminism for just about everything wrong in the world.

However, radical feminism is only a part of an enormous, messed up puzzle. This feminism is largely a by-product of other degenerated behavior and attitudes, such as oppression, belittling, objectification, of people, and chauvinism, etc.

Bad behavior can typically be traced back to poor leadership.

• Husbands are heads of their wives and leaders in their homes. Many have not loved and cherished their wives properly.

The main problem is not that people make mistakes. The problem is when people are not willing to own and correct their mistakes.

• Some Fathers have not taught their boys how to be real men.

• Often, fathers are not equipping their daughters with sufficient knowledge about the games some men play, or about how many men operate, so that their daughters can outsmart these players.

• When leadership lines up, the rest tends to fall in place.

• Notice, we don’t find Bible verses in the word of God that explain to men what to do when they love and treat their wives and children correctly, but the children and wife still respond in the wrong way!

This typically just will not happen! However, in 1 Peter 3: 1-6, women are instructed on how to conduct themselves when their husbands are disobedient to the word of God. It goes on to say the husband may be won by the wife’s behavior. It is not guaranteed.

A woman can be loving and submissive and still have a tyrant of a husband. This is one difference in how some men and women tend to struggle with sin in their flesh. Some men can be quite difficult, regardless of the love of their wife.

Some men hate themselves. They do not love themselves, and therefore cannot properly love others. They cope with it by lashing out at others, mistreating others, and putting others down.

Even though the Bible doesn’t address to a husband what to do specifically when his wife is disobedient to the word of God, there are Bible verses that indicate a man is to do what is right and selflessly love her, regardless of what his wife is doing.

For example, Jesus did not wait on us to get right before He laid his life down for us. We find this in Romans 5: 8; Romans 12:21. He didn’t wait to love us until after we submitted to him. John 4: 19-21.

How does behavior of people relate back to leadership?

• Women, for the most part, are not going to find it difficult or be unwilling to submit to a husband who loves her as Christ loved the church.

• By nature, women tend to be pleasers, more cooperative, gentle, docile, agreeable. That is, until they become hardened by abuse and injustice. Then, some become anti-God’s design, rebellious, ornery.

Here are some examples of women’s tendency to be docile and cooperative:

– Notice how tolerant and patient many women are in relationships with men, even when being abused. Many of us know women like this and observe some aspects of their painful plight.

– No matter how some men treat their women, the women will continue to remain hopeful, faithful, and keep taking them back. I have commonly seen this.

– I, as well as female relatives and friends naturally wanted to please, and had a go-along to- get-along, type mindset in my relationships.

– Our partners were takers, until we smartened up. These men would allow us to over extend ourselves while they took from us. There are men who desire some kind of unfair imbalanced dynamic, instead of a partnership.

– Another example is that some women will also let a man be their pimp. This is usually related to drug use, but these women submit to pimps. Pimps can be brutal. Women and girls take orders from them while being used and abused.

– Women are known for commonly being more forgiving and tolerant in general, including when being cheated on.

– Notice how many women have struggled just to be recognized and treated as fellow humans with equal value as men.

These women didn’t likely feel threatened by gender equality. They were only asking for the bare minimum. Gender equality does not cancel out gender distinction, or confuse men and women’s roles.

Leadership does affect the behavior of others.

– Some of the men however, are not satisfied for women to be honored as fellow humans, but must treat women as less than, in order for them to feel greater than.

– They want extras. Some men feel threatened by gender equality. This is reflected in the leadership of some. There are men who do not acknowledge that their leadership is a responsibility, and not a dictatorship or a license to sin against others and be selfish.

– Eventually, some women countered this with their own rebellion and extreme views.

– Meanwhile, some men are not willing to confront themselves and change the examples they are setting. Their examples have led to rebellion and breakdown in families and in society.

– Women also should face themselves and choose to be women, wives, and mothers who please God. This type of woman benefits her family and consequently benefits society.

For various reasons, some men feel inadequate, and they target, punish, and mistreat women as a result.

• This is an attack from the enemy to keep men from loving women, and women from loving men.

• It is the opposite of the protective, loving nature of the relationships that God planned.

• It opposes the love-based unity in Christ that God intended. This must be acknowledged, confronted and an end must be put to it.

Why aren’t more pastors calling out these issues?

Some are talking about it and doing something about it. Other people are not willing to talk about it much or admit it. Some blame feminism for the state of society. Pastors within cults love to blame feminism and women in general. Many women follow suit and blame women and feminism.

The reality is that poor leadership has an awful lot to do with it. Some love power and don’t understand responsibility and culpability.

• Children are typically not going to turn out to be violent, dysfunctional adults when the parents raise them in loving nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Take note of the Bible addressing these issues:

“Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Colossians 3: 21.

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6: 4

– This, as opposed to being under the parental guidance of passive parents, parents who spoil too much, alcoholics, and or violent fathers and mothers.

– Children raised within a loving, righteous structure, including with necessary discipline, generally will learn how to respect authority and behave themselves.

– Children not abused will typically not turn into abusers themselves. Yet, some parents leave their children in the hands of unsafe caregivers.

– Some parents unwittingly trust perverted or abusive leaders. These include unsafe boyscout leaders, youth pastors, pastors, sports coaches, unsafe relatives, unsafe babysitters, etc.

– Unfortunately, sometimes, these situations are not avoided, no matter how cautious someone is. The parents are not to blame for doing the best that they can do. The key is prayer, better awareness, and discernment to safely care for children and ourselves.

– Children should have an open and comfortable channel of communication with their parents. Parents should teach safety to their children, including what appropriate touch is, and what inappropriate touch is.

– Sometimes, children are abused when they are left in the care of unsafe people, because the mother chooses career as priority over being a present mother. Or, the parents are doing the abusing. I do get it that some mothers must work.

Why don’t some boys and men know how to love or have healthy relationships?

First of all, some are not willing to learn. Too often, women have not required better of their men. Young ladies in particular may not be informed enough to raise the bar, but have simply wanted to have a man.

In addition, many men don’t have fathers who modeled for them how to love and value a woman. Most of their fathers didn’t get good examples shown to them.

Commonly, fathers also have not received necessary verbal instruction from their own fathers. Some fathers focus mainly on athletic achievement and money making for their sons.

Some fathers are mean. They are abusive and abandoning. This is a major problem in our society. There is brokenness resulting from father absenteeism/abuse.

There is a unique brokenness between some fathers and their sons, or between them and their children, in general.

Again, fathers are addressed. The word of God says, “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.” Malachi 4: 5-6.

What are the results of the breakdown of families? What are some manifestations of father absenteeism and abuse?

• Due to father wounds and other issues, some boys age into men who repeat the vicious cycle with their wives and children. Some wives become abusive themselves.

• Father neglect and abuse in particular produces more broken boys who age into broken men who repeat the cycle.

• Girls are broken and sometimes choose to date and or marry broken men who remind them of their father, thus continuing the cycle.

There are continuously growing online (and offline) hate groups against women. The hate is real.

I wonder what kind of paternal influence these types of hateful men have? These types are typically not the products of righteous training and present, loving fathers.

There are men who have been hurt by women, seem to never get over it, and punish other women. How many men are rebuking hate against women and training their sons to understand they are not entitled to a woman, and that they must respect her?

Sons and daughters need to be taught to respect and value each other. Violence from women against men is just as wrong as violence from men against women.

• There is general, bitter contempt against women, inside and outside of the church.

• Sometimes, the hate against women is coming from the pulpit, especially in certain types of isolationist churches or religious cults.

• Some men take their pain and misery out on the women in their lives.

If you do a search, you will find an abundance of articles that describe the relation between high crime in families and homes that have been abandoned by fathers.

• When women began to learn that they were idolizing men, some went extreme and said women don’t need men at all.

• The truth is found in emphasizing the fact that it is beneficial for a healthy and mature woman to be in a healthy relationship with a healthy, mature man.

• Once some women began to believe women don’t need a man, people jumped on it and said it is feminism that is causing the breakdown of society.

• Perhaps, they forgot to trace this extreme thinking that women don’t need a man back to it’s origin? Many women have been abused and/or watched loved ones be abused and abandoned.

• It is true that radical feminism does play it’s part in societal dysfunction.

• We must look at and attack root issues, though; not just symptoms.

Leaders carry a special burden to pioneer in getting things on the right track so that God’s will is done. So, what are fathers and husbands doing to reverse the breakdown?

How many are mentoring young men, setting good examples, and rebuking the debauchery, instead of keeping silent or blaming women and others?

Will some folks continue to focus on and blame feminism? Feminism results as a response to wickedness already perpetrated. Will the men please stand up and take their rightful roles as righteous pioneers, protectors, and providers?

For those men and fathers who are already leading righteously, praise God! God bless you. You are much needed and appreciated!

It is not about men becoming more mean and dominant to lead in righteousness. It is about saying as Joshua did, “…but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Doing it and not just saying it is what brings change. Doing so under the lordship of Jesus Christ, instead of doing it their own domineering way makes all the difference.

So…what is my point? Well, the buck starts and stops at leadership and personal accountability. This is fact; not a blame game. Roads lead back to leadership.

Men and women are both responsible for their own behavior as individuals. God is a God of order, and there is a hierarchy of authority and delegated responsibility. Some leaders feel overwhelmed. This is why they need to submit to the lordship of Jesus Christ and allow Him to equip them to do as they are called to do.

Squirming under the pressure and ditching God-given responsibility will not help. Blaming women and others, denying, deflecting, gaslighting and rebelling against God will not get people moving forward. When people recognize this and choose to do the right thing about it, we will see things change drastically for the better.

To sum it up, I don’t blog to bash. I blog on important issues I feel passionately about. I have personally been impacted by some of these issues, and so have friends and loved ones.

I know many other people are impacted as well, many to greater extents. There is so much blaming back and forth. My approach in my posts is from a balanced, Christ-centered, biblical perspective that I will continue to maintain.

Finally, we must love God, and love one another. We should pray for ourselves, for each other, and for leaders in general. This means praying for men. They are under attack of the enemy, who aims to generationally keep God’s will from being done. He does this by attacking many men’s ability to love and pioneer in righteousness.