Let’s talk mean girls. I have come across numerous girls and women that are downright vicious. More sad is the fact that the vicious, catty nature of some girls does not change when they enter into young, middle, or late adulthood.

I remember being young and naive in high school. I thought I could smile away the issues I was having. Long ago, I was a young girl, fresh out of homeschool when I entered public school in the 9th grade. I was totally unprepared.

Public school for me was a whole new world.

Let me tell you- I was shy, too nice and African American, making up about 1% of the population of the student body. I was gullible, I was anxious. I tried too hard.I learned very quickly that girls can be MEAN!

They were snobby, nose in the air, lip curled, rumor spreading, envious, looking down their nose, whispering, laughing at others, gossiping, obssessed with boys, slandering other girls type of mean.

As time went on, I realized that some girls verbally attacked each other just as well as they attacked me. It wasn’t just me suffering. In addition, I realized that some grown women behaved the same way. I used to become friendlier with girls and women who gave me these kinds of problems. My feeble attempts seemed to irritate and aggravate them further.

After a painful amount of time, I realized that I could not do something to cause people to like me. Either they liked me or they didn’t. It was clear to me that I did not have to be mean to anyone or do or say anything wrong to them for them not to like me.

I think that if some women and some girls would not put so much energy into being so mean to each other, they would have more brain space left over to use more wisdom when dating and to learn life lessons from repeated mistakes.

I tried becoming friendlier, I tried doing nice things for them, because I was taking scripture out of context where it says to love your enemies. It is one thing to love your enemies, but when people are dismissive and rejecting of you, the Bible does not say to force things or keep trying to please people as they resist you. I was trying to be the right example.

The fact that I understood it out of context at the time also reminds me of the scripture that talks about not casting your pearls before swine. In the same way that I should not be sharing the gospel with people repeatedly as they resist it, I also should not be repeating behaviors that are continuously resisted by others.

“Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you.” – Matthew 7: 6 (NLT)

I couldn’t wish the problems away or smile them away.

As time transpired, I realize that sometimes, ladies will hang around and act as if they are your friend, but they secretly resent you, are comparing themselves to you, and competing with you. Some are even sabotaging you. Some are talking about you behind your back. They spread rumors.

People you never had a problem with and who you never knew had a problem with you are suddenly behaving strangely toward you. I learned through experience that there are certain symptoms and characteristics that point to what is a vicious, catty woman. I have spoken with friends who have gone through similar things that I have. I think a lot of girls and women go through it.

There were distressing behaviors I dealt with from these types of women and girls:

• They acted funny. Just plain strange. No explanation, but cold, standoffish, and giving off weird vibes/ energy.

• Shape-shifters: some would be nice, warm and friendly, only to seemingly become angry, cold, and ignore me.

• Dirty looks. Giving me the eye. Looking me up and down with a sneer on their face.

• Exclusion- greeted others, talked to others, but made it a point to ignore me, even though I took initiative to be friendly.

• Invited other people to do things, leaving me out.

• Nosy. Became “friendly” to me to obtain information from me which could later be used against me.

• Whispered about me, slandered me.

• Avoided eye contact with me at times; shifted eyes, ducked head to avoid my gaze (very offensive to me).

• Even a few girls I hung out with and considered friends were (allegedly) saying things behind my back about me, including about my appearance.
In fact, on a couple occasions, I heard them saying things myself. There were also allegations that other things were said. This was reported to me by other friends of mine.

These types of behaviors toward me nearly gave me a complex. By the grace of God, I eventually realized that this nonsense had nothing to do with me, but had everything to do with their own personal issues.

Even still, dealing with these unpleasant and strange people helped me in various ways.

1) I learned to depend on and trust God for guidance, strength, and protection.

2) I gained wisdom and spiritual understanding- I realized that I was dealing with spirits; not flesh.
Ephesians 6: 11-12.

3) I became a much stronger and independent person.

4) My experiences helped me to more greatly appreciate my true circle of friends who I respected, enjoyed spending time with, and who enjoyed and respected me as well.

5) I learned to be more discerning and obtained knowledge from my experiences that to this day helps me to weed out problem people rather quickly.

6) Dealing with these types gave me opportunity to put into practice being a godly example by obeying the Word, forgiving, praying for, and loving my enemies the best way I could.

7) In general, I have learned to deal with people with more caution.

To this day, I am very careful who I keep around me. I have learned to have boundaries.

– When and if necessary, I do not mind doing necessary spring, summer, fall, or winter “cleaning” to purge toxic people from my life. I love keeping the peace.

– I will maintain my peace without anyone else’s cooperation or permission!

I want to end this post with this very important passage:

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge;  I will pay them back,’ says the Lord.

Instead, If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads. Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.“

– Romans 12: 19-21(NLT).