The principle is the same for men and women. Whether a man or woman, it is very wise to choose a partner based on integrity. To all you beautiful single ladies, my message to you today is choose integrity! Always choose the right character in a man over personal preferences, such as:

Height

Handsomeness

Muscular physique

Any superficial traits

Swag

Bank account size

Prominent presence or status in a community or institution

Title, position, labels

Charisma or charm

Choose righteous character every day, all day, over personal preferences.

Is it wrong to have personal preferences? No. For example, there is nothing wrong with wanting someone that we are attracted to. In all honesty, appearance and chemistry matter.
However, preferences are very secondary to prioritizing character and standards.

This is where some women get into a lot of trouble. Many desire particular types of men for the wrong reasons. They make decisions out of poor judgment and are captivated by the wrong traits in men.

The kind men exist, but are often overlooked and bypassed, because some women prefer the men who are no good for them due to personal preferences.

In certain communities, some girls and women are captivated by the idea of thugs. Some women claim to want a man that is a Christian with a little bit of thug in him. What? Being a thug is not Christ-like. I have never seen “thug” listed in the Bible as a godly trait.

Other women are focused on wanting the “cool” guy (who is often a player), the rich guy, or the guy with a certain title or position. Many women place the desire for their men to be funny at the top of their desireable traits list.

What if he is funny while also being maniacal? While being funny is a bonus, what about him having the right character? Shouldn’t that be priority?

Many ladies and girls are being taught preferences through vile and deceptive music, movies, storybooks, and peer pressure.

They don’t know how to choose a decent man. Too many have been conditioned through messages that come from society that tell them a man should look or act a certain way.

It’s all right to desire a man who looks a certain way, and to desire a man who is doing reasonably well, financially. Other personal preferences are OK as well. They aren’t necessarily wrong.

 It is important to examine our own motives when it comes to what we desire. As a Christian, I pray and ask God to align my heart and mind with His and make the desires of my heart the desires that He has for me.

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.”

– Psalms 37: 4-5 NLT.

The motive behind doing something is always key. Why do we desire a particular type of man? What is the motive behind any of our desires? Are the desires pure?

In addition, can we offer to men on the same level at least, what we desire from them? If our motives are not pure, it will surely backfire. Even with pure motives, personal preferences that are superficial should definitely be placed secondary in priority.

It is important to remember that no one is perfect. Patience, showing grace, and having a realistic perspective will help us as we vet someone. Remember, even decent, kind people are works in progress.

If we are Christian women, we must pray for guidance about our situations, our men should be believers/followers of Jesus Christ, and God-fearing.

For any woman, these are additional desirable and necessary characteristics for their men to have:

Selfless – Matthew 23:11.

Wisdom – James 1: 5; James 3: 17; uses good judgment in decision making.

Loyal/faithful- Hebrews 10: 23; 1 Corinthians 7: 4-5.

Loving- Colossians 3: 19; John 13: 35.

Gentle- Proverbs 16: 32.

Peaceful temperament-James 1:20. A strong man is a gentleman. He knows there is a time for battle and for being hard, but he knows he should be gentle with his woman and kind to others, in general.

Ambitious- 1 Thessalonians 4: 11.

Provider- 1 Timothy 5: 8.

Protector- 1 Peter 5: 8; Exodus 22: 2-3.

Humble- Proverbs 11: 12.

Takes initiative- James 4: 17.

Most of these characteristics are characteristics a woman should have as well. I say most, because the characteristics are applicable according to God’s design, when it comes to a husband and wife. This is found in Ephesians 5: 22- 33.