Victims are not to blame for being victimized. Never. However, it is important for men and women to use wisdom and set boundaries in their relationships. Are you a woman who is in a relationship? Do you know your worth? How are you being treated? Are you being treated with:
• Honor
• Respect
• Love
• Kindness
• Gentleness
• Selfless consideration
• Faithfulness?
If you are not being treated well, what are you putting up with?
• Verbal, sexual, emotional, physical, or any kind of abuse
• Disrespect
• Manipulation
• Being controlled
• Lies
• Infidelity
• Objectification
• Being dominated
• Being used at all?
Why allow yourself to be treated in a deplorable way? You are very valuable. You deserve better. Do you value yourself? Who do you believe yourself to be?
• Someone’s play thing?
• Someone who needs someone else’s approval in order to feel like a valid human being and worthy member of society?
• An object for someone else’s gratification?
• Worthless?
• A nobody?
• “Only” a woman?
The Bible says:
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure,
and he receives favor from the Lord.”
– Proverbs18: 22.
Therefore, if you are targeted with hatred, contempt, and belittling, you know it is not of God. You may not be a wife, but you are a woman. You are a treasure.
I am also aware that different types of abuse take place in various situations, including within plenty religious households. Some of it is verbal and spiritual abuse that preps girls to be tolerant of abuse in their relationships later on. God never looks down on women for being women.
“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.” Proverbs 31: 30.
Through the mouth of the cruel and insecure person, the adversary says you are inferior and less than, as a woman. The word of God says you are a treasure. Believe God. The woman who fears the Lord is noble.
“Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.“ 1 John 4: 7-8.
God says to love one another. Are you loving towards your partner? Is your partner loving towards you? Is your partner making condescending remarks to you about your success or anything else? Does he tear you down about your appearance, about any flaws you have, or anything else?
What about the times when he alternates between tearing you down and giving you compliments? Complimenting you at times does not balance or cancel out the put-downs.
Does he alternate between loving behavior and cruel behavior? It is confusion and manipulation. It is a tactic to keep you stuck. In addition, it is a form of abuse.
How about snapping at you, shouting at you, or calling you names? Is he usually irritable or sarcastic? Does he generally seem annoyed with you?
Something is wrong when a man is constantly snippy at and irritated with his woman. It indicates he probably doesn’t even like her. If this is happening to you, are you ignoring this or trying to laugh it off?
If it is the case that he is typically miserable, what is his problem? Does he bother to apologize? Do you apologize when you have wronged him? Do you both promise to improve and follow through with it?
The fact of the matter is that for both people it is highly beneficial and freeing to forgive one another, as well as make necessary improvements. This does not mean make excuses for each other. In spite of being treated poorly, some women (and men) unfortunately make excuses for the way their partners treat them.
Some people grow up in toxic households and the strife and dysfunction they witness between their parents becomes “normal” in their mind. For example, some girls may grow up believing it is love when a man is abusive to a woman, because they saw their mother putting up with it. Some boys may watch their father be violent or cheat on their mother and normalize it.
What is love? How does love manifest?
“Love is patient and kind.▪︎Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.▪︎ It does not demand its own way.▪︎It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.▪︎ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.▪︎Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 (NLT).
In Ephesians 5: 25, God commands husbands to love wives with the kind of love that Jesus Christ loves the church with. Can you imagine such a level of love? It is hard to comprehend. A woman should submit to, cooperate with, and respect her husband (Ephesians 5: 22-24). This is beautiful. Even before marriage, the dynamics of love and respect should be in place.
Indeed, the way a woman allows herself to be treated reflects her knowledge of her worth. Naturally, a woman should treat her man with the respect, honor, and the love he deserves as well! Never settle for less.
