This post is not an attack against anyone. We live in a broken world with broken people who need healing. We all hurt in some kind of way. We all need healing. Healing can and does happen for many. Thank God! Yet, we live in a dangerous world with some dangerous people. It is very important that we live in awareness and practice caution. That is the point of this post. I want to encourage ladies and present some reminders on how to live more safely.

Let’s talk about ego. It is one thing to have ego, but let’s talk about fragile egos. Whenever dealing with a person with a fragile ego, we are dealing with someone who has an unhealthy, yet, often elevated sense of self. In dealing with someone with a fragile ego, one can expect to encounter hypersensitivity. This is often accompanied by an insensitive attitude toward others, fear, pride, a pompous attitude, defensiveness, entitlement and other questionable characteristics.

The more inflated the ego is, the more fragile it tends to be. Some people mistake cockiness resulting from insecurity to be confidence. Depending on how inflated and fragile someone’s ego is, it can even cause them to become a dangerous person.

In today’s post, I am going to talk about ego-driven men who have a fragile masculinity.

I want to talk about these types, because whether ladies know it or not, some of these types of men are not safe to be around. At best, they are stressful people to be around. There are a lot of women who have personal experiences with these types of men.

Many of us have even heard news coverage on the demise of girls and women who have become victims of unstable men who were very insecure. There is still some naivety and lack of awareness about this among some women.

Here are a few characteristics of some men who have a fragile masculinity:

• They tend to brag, be cocky, insecure, and very needy.

• Often, they have something to prove.

• They need all the attention, praise, and accolades they can get.

• They will hold you (and others) responsible for providing these things for them.

• If you don’t provide them, you likely will pay a price.

• They often push having their way and feel personally slighted or victimized if they don’t get it. In other words, there is commonly a sense of entitlement.

• They can be very touchy, easily feel disrespected or shamed, and you may feel the need to walk on eggshells around them.

• They may take helpful input or constructive criticism as a personal attack and defend themselves accordingly. This may include a counter-attack against the person who gave them input.

• These types may pressure others to conform to them, without regard for how others feel.

• Commonly, they serve self, even when it appears they are serving you.

• They are likely promiscuous or cheaters.

• They can become enraged and dangerous when they feel rejected or disrespected.

I have known men with these issues, and to put it mildy, it is exhausting. Usually, I do not feel alarmed, but exasperated. However, there are two times that were exceptions for me. I felt nervous, to say the least in these situations.

Situation 1

I worked in healthcare for a number of years. At one point, I was working at a facility with a man who seemed all right in general. We were casually friendly with each other, but didn’t cross paths often. Keep in mind we did not really know each other.

He was the topic of conversation among some of the ladies, and perhaps, he was even a ladies man. They seemed quite fond of him and he was dating at least one of them. He was flirtatious with some and seemed harmless.

One day, we were in a room together, working on two residents that we had been assigned. He abruptly, out of the blue suggested we make out. Startled, I let out a nervous laugh and went on about my work. I may have said no.

I may have just ignored it, not giving him a response other than laughing uncomfortably. I honestly don’t even remember! When I was ready to ask him to help me with the person I was assisting, I turned, looked at him, and before I could ask, I saw THE LOOK.

He was already distracted from his work and watching me. He was staring intently with a very mean, angry, frightening look. I have never seen anyone look at me that way before then or since then. His eyes seemed to go right through me.

I don’t recall him saying another word. I was very uncomfortable. Was his ego bruised? The look in his eyes was as if he was very angry with me. Could he really be upset over the fact that I didn’t agree to make out? He already was popular with the other ladies and dating one. Wasn’t that enough? Regardless, I should be respected as a human being and I didn’t owe him anything.

Lust is never satisfied. Reminds me of this:

“Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.” Proverbs 27: 20.

I don’t recall ever working with him again. For unrelated reasons, I quit working at that facility not long after, so there were no further issues with him anyway.

Situation 2

This happened at my home. A guy came over to introduce himself to me shortly after I had begun to move into a new place. Normally, that’s really cool! I like getting to know the new neighbors and feel welcomed by friendly people. He behaved in a very friendly manner. However, an alert within me went off immediately. I was instantly alarmed because I got strong, bad vibes off of him as soon as he came over smirking and introduced himself to me.

The vibes were bad. At the same time, I did not understand my feelings and didn’t want to jump to conclusions, because I did not even know him. I did not respond to him in a way I thought would prompt further engagement from him. I was nervously polite and very brief with him.

It is possible he sensed that I was nervous and disengaged. I am not sure. His attitude towards me changed. I did not want to rush to judgment about him, but after meeting him and his vibes, I hoped I never ran into him again. Of course, I did run into him again and again, because as I found out later, he actually lived in the same building as me, a few apartments down from me. Yay….Yikes!

Each time we crossed paths, I got bad vibes from him. Now he typically looked at me with an angry look in his eyes, and he snapped at me on a couple occasions. While looking angry, he would motion for me to walk in front of him and he would walk behind me. When I think about it now, I should have refused, because I should never knowingly allow someone to walk behind me that I don’t trust.

He made a pass at me one night in the dark parking lot where he approached me almost as soon as I drove in and parked my car. I had to tell him NO. When I was back upstairs in my apartment, I could hear him yelling downstairs. I also heard from a credible source that even though he was around at times, he wasn’t living there full time with his wife anymore, because of womanizing issues.

I had a couple more concerning incidences with him after that, but everything turned out ok. For a long time, I didn’t see much of him. Then one night, his (ex?) wife sounded like she had lost her mind. Apparently, he was visiting and had done something that greatly upset her.

From inside my apartment I could hear her screaming at him and carrying on. Shortly after, I heard him exit her apartment. I watched out of the window as he walked across the parking lot. He turned and appeared to look directly up at my window at me before he left- seemingly, for good. I never saw him again after that.

My other experiences dealing with fragile egos did not cause great concern for me, but were both offensive and enlightening. Some men had gotten attitudes with me, embarrassed me, or put me down when they felt insecure, but that is ok; I was learning from it all.

I also want to give a word of caution to the women who have male “friends.”

Be mindful of whether or not the man has pure motives in being “friends” with you. Be particularly careful if he is doing things for you or buying you things. Especially, if you don’t like him as more than a friend.

If a man has unexpressed intentions and is buying things for you or doing nice things for you and you are accepting, he may become very upset if you do not have mutual feelings for him.

It is wise for women not to accept many gifts or lots of help from men that they are not interested in. Often, there is more going on than meets the eye. They may want something more and feel entitled to more if they have been giving gifts.

It’s great to think that people are just being nice, but often, there are strings attached. Don’t get me wrong. There are people who do good things without a hidden agenda. In fact, everyone has an agenda in what they do. The problem comes in when it is a hidden or bad agenda, with wrong expectations of those who are not even aware of the agenda and expectations.

Some guys are harmless pals and some may simply have an interest in you too, and that is fine. Listen to your intuition if it is speaking to you. Rest assured, there are men out there who have pure motives and are being kind in a platonic way, or they even may like you.

That’s alright if a man likes you. There is nothing wrong with that. As long as you are safe is what matters. On the other hand, other types can change for the worse in a flash if they have a hidden agenda and things do not go their way.

•  We live in a culture where plenty boys often grow up improperly trained, wounded, and unaffirmed.

• Some have been rejected by mean girls. A woman should be direct, gentle and kind when turning down a man. Some women chase men. A man should also be kind when turning down a woman.

• Sadly, there are boys who have not been loved and encouraged properly by their parents. They may become caught up in a relentless search for recognition and affirmation. They may live with a general sense of rejection.

• There is objectification of women and male entitlement in the cases where a man becomes angry if a woman says no.

•  Some learn to be self-seeking, relying largely on sexual relationships and their dealings with women to feel affirmed.

They are trying to fix feelings of inadequacy from the outside in, instead of healing from the inside out. Some of them seem as if they cannot handle it when things don’t go just the way they want them to. It is sad, but it can be dangerous.

These types can be explosive and extra sensitive to perceived or real humiliation or rejection. They often do not respond well to “no.” Since women are often the targets and recipients of their unhealed pain and improperly addressed anger, women need to be aware and very careful.

When a man is emotionally healthy and his motives are pure, he is not likely to become angry with or attempt to punish a woman when she does not respond in the way he would like to his advances.

Dealing with fragile masculinity in men has taught me:

1)  To pray for healing and deliverance for them.

2) To be guarded and respectful with them.

3) How fragile the ego is for some men.

4) How self-serving and unkind some men can be.

5) That ego-fragile men often show anger, hostility, and contempt for women.

6) To always trust my discernment/ intuition, even when I can’t explain the feelings I have.

God is good, and gave us intuition or discernment for our protection. Never ignore it. I firmly believe it should be freely utilized, along with prayer.