Due to both natural desire and social conditioning, some of us ladies can get a little carried away and overzealous when it comes to getting into a relationship. This applies to some of the men as well. I have learned the importance of taking my time and living in prayerful awareness.

It is very important to know as much as possible about the person before becoming involved with them. Early on and later, information may still be rather limited. It is very important to do one’s own reasonable amount of probing or investigation into someone’s background as much as possible.

It is important to pray, pay close attention, be observant. Be a spectator to be able to catch red flags early rather than later. Also, being observant helps to spot the right qualities in a person. There are indeed gentlemen out there, and they won’t be perfect. That is understood. Still, we must use wisdom and have the right standards.

This is a list of red flags. They serve as warning signs not to become involved with someone, or to proceed with caution with them:

• Bragging; being a show-off. These traits are usually tied to insecurity, pride, narcissism, etc.

• Secrecy.

• Inconsistent behavior. Consistency is key.

• Dishonesty.

• You cannot be yourself around them.

This is huge, and not only a red flag, but should be a stop sign.

• Hot and cold attitudes or behaviors (inconsistency).

• Rushing things.

• Falling too hard, too fast.

• Saying, “I love you” very soon.

• If someone seems too good to be true.

• Charming/charismatic.

• Anger, rage, or control issues.

• Current interest in, or past involvement in alternative lifestyles. Yes, people can change, but some don’t.

• A known history of cheating or lying, and anything else dishonorable. Often ( not always), someone’s past is a strong indication of their present state.

• Hypocrisy, double standards.

• Badmouthing/ slandering their ex(es) a lot.

• Prior abuse or trauma.*

• You fear the person for any reason.

• You lack peace about the situation. This is really important, and a huge indicator that something is not right.

• Your intuition is telling you something is wrong.

Intuition tends to be spot on. Instead of ignoring it, I believe it is good to take intuition very seriously, and thank God for it. Praying about matters and seeking wise, godly counsel from a trusted mentor is a very good idea.

Please note:

By no means should people necessarily avoid someone, just because they have a history of being abused and have trauma. People typically do have trauma in their pasts, on varying levels.

Some people continue to heal and will not punish people in their present for what happened to them in their past. Victims need extra love, care, and patience. Still, many victims will make wonderful, loving partners for the right person.

Other victims inflict abuse and trauma they have experienced onto others. There is a distinct difference between vengeful, hateful victims, and victims who are simply hurt, and are in the process of healing or have already healed. It is up to each person to use wisdom and common sense for their situation.

Victims need love and care. If there is sexual abuse involved, the other partner should be particularly gentle, loving, understanding, and patient. Be aware that unique relationship difficulties may arise due to this kind of abuse. The key is to be led by the Spirit.

“So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.” Ephesians 5 :15