After examining myself, my own motives and aiming to align my desires with the understanding of God’s plans for marriage, I decided to write this post on reasons not to get married. It is not an exhaustive list, but includes common motives for marriage.
Even in our somewhat anti-marriage culture, there are still men and women who truly desire love and a successful marriage. I have spoken to some women on the topic of marriage and have received a variety of reasons and expectations for their desires.
Here are five reasons not to get married:
1. Marriage has become an idol.
Women who idolize marriage tend to be in for an even greater awakening when the reality of the institution hits. Some believe that marriage is the cure for their unhappiness. This can lead to great disappointment.
It’s not that a healthy marriage is not a good thing. Marriage is a beautiful thing and there are marriages that overall are healthy and enjoyable. The spouses have carefully and wisely chosen each other in these cases, resolved to treat each other well, and remained committed.
In contrast, some women seem to be more interested in having a wedding than having and maintaining a marriage.
Some women are not prepared for the ups and downs of marriage. Some ladies seem to be far more interested in being a bride on their wedding day than in being a wife for the duration of their marriages. When reality sets in, some file for divorce and head for the exit. Yet, I understand that God intended marriage to be permanent (Mark 10: 5-9).
2. To follow tradition/be traditional.
Some women may marry under pressure of family, church members, or friends. Or, some marry because they think it is what they should do because that is what women supposedly do.
Marriage is a sacred institution and is ordained by God. It is supposed to reflect the relationship between Christ and His church (Ephesians 5: 25-33). It should not be taken lightly or done by people who simply want to follow tradition. Marriage should not take place due to impure motives. If done with impure motives, they can expect things to backfire.
3. For status.
Some people marry for status. Sometimes, a woman is interested in having the title and position of wife more than anything else. A woman may want to be known as the wife of the pastor or the wife of the county sheriff.
Some men marry for status as well. They seem to be more well respected if they are of a certain age, are successful corporately, but also have the wife and children; presenting as a package deal. Yet, some of these men are not faithful to their wives. Some of them are often unnecessarily absent.
Motives for marrying should be pure and driven by love and loyalty. Christians should have the primary goal of glorifying God in their marriages.
4. For money.
This is a popular one and goes back a long way. Some women marry an older man who has one foot in the grave, or so they think. He is thrilled because he has a young woman on his arm.
She may not have to put up with him for a very long and then get his inheritance and benefit from his life insurance policy when he passes.
There are plenty women who marry a man because of his wealth. Some falsely believe that to marry a wealthy man equals all- around security. The truth of the matter is that true security is in being safe all around. Yes, some men marry women for money too!
I personally know that safety is of the Lord and I seek and trust in Him to guide me in my endeavors and to watch over me.
Yes, security in the more superficial sense will include being financially taken care of, but security primarily means spiritual, emotional and physical safety and well-being. Some women marry a rich man and are not safe and secure.
The woman who marries for money may end up unpleasantly surprised when things somehow backfire and she ends up not feeling or being so secure after all.
5. For sex.
Some Christians have admitted the primary focus in getting married was to have sex lawfully and not fornicate. Unfortunately, after marriage, some people complain of being sexually incompatible.
Others find out that they have little besides the sex in common. Although sex is a very important part of marriage, it does not account for the majority of the necessities that make for a healthy marriage. Sex is an important piece of the puzzle, but is only one of many aspects of marriage.
Apostle Paul’s warning to a man and woman who cannot contain themselves sexually to get married is taken out of context sometimes. Apostle Paul did not say marry only to have sex (1 Corinthians 7: 1-5).
Rather, he emphasizes that instead of fornicating, a couple should go ahead and get married if they don’t have self-control in that regard. But the purpose of marriage is laid out in scripture. The purpose of marriage is not simply to have sex.
He also acknowledges that Christians should not be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6: 14-18). Sex between a married couple may have a bonding effect, but if that is their only or primary bond, then things will likely fall apart quickly.
Scripture references, courtesy of Bible Gateway:
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