A lot of people are HURTING. Some confide in me. They are having problems with family members, friends, colleagues. Many of their wounds are emotional / psychological. Harsh words tear people down and hurt their feelings.

Chronic, bad attitudes are offensive. The effects can be very long-lasting. It is important to build up others with our words, instead of tearing them down by saying hurtful things. Words have power. They bring life or death.

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Proverbs 18: 21 NLT.

In this post, I want to encourage you to always be careful with your words, careful of how you treat others, and be careful who you keep company with. This is a reminder for me also. Some people need to be loved from a distance. I am guarding my heart and protecting my peace by setting more boundaries with some of the people in my life.

Many people are clever in that they don’t leave tangible evidence of their abuse. They are more insidious with their abuse. Some of these people have very charming, likeable personalities in public. Behind the scenes, they are tearing down their spouses or others.

Psychological abuse is clever and wicked.

Many people can be so captivated by the outward charm of psychological abusers that they do not believe any abuse allegations from the victims. People tend not to want to be known publicly as physical abusers.

Behind the scenes, they weaponize their words to belittle, tear down and do other manipulations to the point where their victims feel reduced to nearly nothing. Of course, this can produce a vicious cycle of abuse, since it is common for victims to stay.

Some abusers are sly, clever to cover their tracks publicly. Knowing that their physical abuse will leave visible signs, they often resort to tearing down those who love them with verbal, emotional and psychological abuse.

Mind control and mind manipulations can be abusive also.

Some people are very manipulative. They control the climate with their up and down emotions, being standoffish and hostile, depending on whether they get their way or not. They have shifting attitudes and vibes that influence or even control others.

They can cause people to feel bad with their shifting vibes and emotions. I have experienced this a lot. Therefore, I have been setting more boundaries. Why should I have false guilt trips when I have done nothing wrong?

Another method of abuse is misusing, twisting and unrighteously weaponizing the word of God against others.

This is one of the complaints the world has against many Christians. It is spiritual abuse. Like many others, I have witnessed and been on the receiving end of this.

It is very important to take note quickly and address it when one has a partner, friend or loved one who is overly critical, demeaning, envious of their accomplishments, or otherwise manipulative. Abuse can be insidious, while decreasing quality of one’s life.

It doesn’t matter if a person never puts a hand on someone else in a harmful way. When they tear others down verbally and destroy their self-esteem, this is abusive.

Often, the effects of abusive words last longer than physical abuse. Sometimes, people say terrible things to others and those words have a life-long effect on the ones who receive them.

• No, it is not honorable that someone doesn’t put their hands on you; yet, they tear you down verbally.

• It’s not honorable that someone doesn’t put their hands on you; yet, they emasculate you, spiritually abuse you.

• Or, they are misogynistic, otherwise demean you and cause you to feel badly about yourself.

While we must pray for our enemies and not return evil for evil, we are wise and even obligated to maintain right standards and set healthy, safe boundaries. This will help protect our peace, guard our hearts and help us not pick up toxic, contagious ways of others.

People are meant to love others and to be loved by others. This is love:

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way.

It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.