Submission is not a dirty word. I learned this after studying God’s word for myself, and through prayer, I was able to see a clear picture of godly submission. Some people have twisted the meaning of it and abused it, to attempt to make it mean what they want it to mean.

Some women seem to be petrified of the word, because of the abuse of it. Submission does not mean slavery, doormat, or inferior. Power mongering abusers and people who are not satisfied with what it really means have twisted the definition of it to satisfy their desire for superiority, to control, dominate, and oppress others. This is a tragedy. God’s plan is perfect.

Are women the only ones who are supposed to submit?

God is a God of order; not chaos. God has a holy purpose for leadership and submission. Women are not the only ones who are supposed to submit, even though one might think that is the case when listening to unbalanced, unbiblical perceptions. Remember how important it is to read the Bible for oneself.

“Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”  Ephesians. 5: 20 -21.

The Bible explains that no one is to do anything out of selfishness. “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”  Phillipians 2: 3.

“Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.”  1 Peter 5: 5

There are different types of submission.

People generally are supposed to submit to one another in the fear of God, being humble and selfless. God gives special and particular responsibility to those who have the privilege and burden of leadership. Even leaders are supposed to submit to others.

While in authority over others, leaders are to have a selfless, sacrificial attitude toward others. The Bible is specific to reference the relationship between Christ and the church, in relation to the husband and the wife. Jesus Christ is our Savior and He is the provider for all that we have need of.

The church follows, yields to, submits to Jesus Christ, and receives from Him all that He has for us. “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”  Romans 5: 8

Jesus laid His life down for the needs of the church.

Jesus knew what He would have to do for the church and knew it would be terrible agony, but out of His great and sacrificial love, He was willing to do what needed to be done to save us:

“And he was withdrawn from them about a stone’s cast, and kneeled down, and prayed, Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” Luke 22: 41 -44.

“We love him, because he first loved us.” 1 John 4: 19.

• Likewise, the wife responds in submission to her husband’s loving, selfless leadership.

• A wife is to submit to her husband in everything.

Does this mean her husband is controlling her and dragging her around for the ride as he does what he wants to do? No. The command to the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. There is no force or selfishness when it is done God’s way.

• Submitting to a godly husband in everything means submitting to her husband’s sacrificial love, his obedience to God Almighty, his spiritual, emotional, financial, and all around provision and care for her. What is so wrong with that? It sounds like a good deal to me!

Well, Jesus Christ is perfect and sinless, and a husband is an imperfect sinner. If he is a follower of Jesus, he is a sinner saved by grace.

Why can submission to a husband be difficult?

Things get complicated, because a husband is not perfect, and even in his best intentions, he will make mistakes. The wife is to submit to his leadership, cooperate with him, and respect him regardless.

More complicated is the husband who is outright ungodly. God has instructions to the godly woman for how she is to conduct herself, if she is married to a disobedient husband who does not obey the word of God.

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” 1 Peter 3: 15

“Conversation” here means behavior.

• Empowered by the Holy Spirit, a wife can be obedient to God and shine her godly light, submitting to an unloving and disobedient husband.

• This way, she remains pleasing to God and may win her husband with her godly behavior.

Compatibility on major principles is crucial.

• The truly godly, Christian couple will be compatible, generally speaking. They will have differences of course, and be complimentary to one another.

• God has given both husband and wife callings and purpose. A woman does not have to abandon her God-given callings to marry a man who is completely opposite, and  opposing to who God is calling her to be. I think this is a misconception some people have.

• In order to be the helpmeet God calls her to be to a husband, a wife does not have to abandon her God-given talents and purpose to marry a man who requires something completely different from her.

• The truth of the matter is, when a woman is with the right person that God has for her, there will be no such confusion as completely opposing ideas and plans on callings and purpose.

If a man has completely different plans that would interfere with what a woman knows God is calling her to do, he is not the right man for her. She should obey God and not marry the wrong man.

There definitely is room for compromising and changing some plans when a woman meets the right man; however, there would not be opposing ideas and beliefs on fundamental principles. There would not be opposition against God-given purpose, if he is her God-sent husband. God is not the author of confusion.

I do believe well-meaning sisters in Christ have abandoned what God called them to do, to get married to a man outside of God’s will. Don’t get me wrong- motherhood and being a wife comes before career or other ministries. Being a wife and mother is the ministry before others. A godly wife is first a daughter of God, then a wife and mother. However, a woman should marry the right spouse.

I am pointing out the fact that there are things that men and women of God are called to do when it comes to church- related ministry, and acts of service. When I refer to opposition to God-given callings, I am speaking of the husband who will interfere in any of his wife’s ministries that God has called her to do to glorify Him, and be a blessing to, edify, and serve others.

When a woman gets married, but not to God’s best for her, the husband may stunt or prevent what God would have her do in ministry. Things such as minstry, God given calling, interpretation of the Bible and other crucial topics must be discussed to be sure both people are of one mind and on the same ground on major principles, before getting married.

Think of your husband as your driver spiritually.

In the natural sense, it is very important that if we are traveling somewhere, we have a driver who obeys the driver’s manual, obeys all traffic devices and signals, and he drives offensively and defensively. He must follow the map and get us safely to where we are going.

Imagine being a passenger with a driver who disobeys traffic devices, disobeys or doesn’t know the driver’s manual, has road rage, and takes you on a wild goose chase, instead of taking you to the correct destination safely as he obeys all protocol?

Even in the natural, this would be a disastrous nightmare, but how much worse would it be in the spiritual sense, to marry a driver (husband) who is going his own way, instead of following and submitting to his head, Jesus Christ?

I hope this sheds light on godly submission in true context. It is not forced, it is not coerced, but is a woman’s willingness to comply with her husband’s leadership.

Unless there is a disagreement about something, submission may not really be noticed, because there is agreement, love, and respect anyhow.

Either way, the husband will be held responsible by God for decisions made. Hopefully, we can see why it is super important for a woman to choose very carefully, prayerfully, and wisely. Using the word of God and the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church as our guide is also important.

To sum it up, in a truly Christ-centered marriage, headship is the greater responsibility.

The wife is a helper and told to submit to her husband in everything. This doesn’t mean the husband is controlling. He is to do his wife good, and no wrong.

• Just like Jesus Christ never does the church wrong, headship is not a license to break the commandments or to take advantage of those under the husband’s leadership.

• Headship is for the husband to reflect the leadership of Jesus Christ. Godly headship is for the husband to be the example of holiness, righteousness love, and servitude that Jesus Christ showed.

• When a husband is obedient to God, he is not controlling, but is focused on pleasing God by selflessly loving his wife as Christ loved the church, washing her in the word, being a righteous example before her.

• The husband is given the responsibility to love his wife the way Jesus Christ loved the church and gave Himself for the church. In a godly marriage, the wife does not have to be worried about the pressures of taking over her husband’s leadership.

• At the same time, she is respecting and supporting her husband, she is being loved and cherished by her husband. This is as Christ loves the church, and the church submits to Him.

In the next post linked here, I will talk more about the husband’s obligations. It is very important for a potential wife to understand her husband’s duties, based on the word of God as well. This way, she can have Christ-centered standards for her man before marriage.