In this post, I have some issues to address concerning gender, roles, and the current condition of society, as it pertains to relationships. Men and women are of equal value and worth in the sight of God. However, men and women are different. This is not news, right?

Maybe it’s not news to some more than to others. In this post, I will acknowledge God-given differences between men and women, and the roles they were given according to God’s design. I am going to point out how some men and women are deviating from God’s design and will discuss some of the resulting effects.

Much of what we see going on with people in their relationships is not the will of God, or the ways of God.

When I talk about a woman being the prize, I am referring to the dynamics of male pursuit and female response. I’m referring to God’s design, where He has set it up for male desire to initiate the pursuit and winning over of the female. Female desire responds to male initiative.

This is what happens in the animal kingdom. In the case of people, traditionally, the man pursues, impresses, and (hopefully) wins over a woman. In a healthy relationship, both people should be benefiting equally from each other. In the beginning, it’s the man’s job to get the ball rolling. This is a beautiful thing, and in my opinion, the way God intended it to be.

There has been plenty deviation from God’s design. I will elaborate on this fact with some examples. People often mistreat one another. Female oppression and mistreatment is more common and more tolerated in some other countries and cultures than it is in America.

I respectfully know that there are different people from various cultures who do not believe in or worship God. They have their own way of doing things. An example of deviation from God’s way of doing things is that we find in certain cultures, some of the people pay dowry where the bride’s family has to pay a price to gift her husband or his family.

There are facts surrounding this practice that I’m not going to get into. Certainly, I am aware that not everyone from a particular country or culture does everything the same, so this clearly does not apply to everyone.

My point here is this is very different from how we see God operating. It appeares the woman and her family pay the man or his family to marry her. It seems she has to actually purchase her husband in a sense; or reward his family for him marrying her. This is very interesting to me, because it is in direct contradiction, and a reversal of what we see in the Bible.

Unlike some of the men today, before he was able to marry, Jacob pursued and worked hard for his wife Rachel.

Jacob was smitten with Rachel’s beauty. In Genesis 29: 18-30, Jacob loved Rachel and worked for her for 7 years in order to have her. He loved her so much that the seven years went by quickly for him. He got tricked and then ended up working another 7 years for her! He was willing.That’s the way it was done.

Someone may say, “Well, why should a woman be bought?” It wasn’t like that. The woman is not for sale, but she has great value. When that value is recognized, a man will put himself out there and work for her before he can have her. Men have just as much value, of course, but I’m talking about the dynamics when it comes to men pursuing women for relationships and marriage.

Jacob would take care of his wife after marriage, but showed great desire, dedication, and love for her, even before marriage, by actually working an extended period of time just to have her.

It was not like she was selling herself and he was getting husband benefits such as sex before marriage. Jacob was willing to prove and put into action his love for Rachel for an extensive period of time before being able to have and enjoy her sexually in marriage.

God’s ways and design transcend time.

Wait…Jacob and Rachel were in the Old Testament, right? Long time ago. Well, yes. However, we see the same pattern from the beginning to the end, in the examples that Jesus Christ set for us. Jesus initiated in loving and pursuing the church (Ephesians 5: 25-33).

Spiritually, this is the spiritual Groom pursuing His spiritual Bride. We continue to see this pattern in nature with the animals as well. The male desires, pursues, and works for the female, and is eventually rewarded with a favorable response.

Another example is in the Old Testament where if a man seduced a virgin, he had to pay her father a price and the woman he seduced became his wife. The woman did not pay the man or his family.

The man paid her father (Exodus 22: 16-17). Notice, in this fallen world, the opposite is taking place. There is also a lot of objectification of women and contempt for women. Some women try prove themselves “worthy” for men to date or marry them.

Some men are kicking back, relaxing and waiting to be pursued, as if they are princesses!

Especially, some of the younger generations of men are this way, but also some of the older ones are too! There are women who have helped teach them that they can be this way.

Some women are chasing, paying for, and trying to earn men in some cases. In America, some women have first devalued themselves, giving the green light for men to also devalue them. Some girls and women believe that men are the prizes to pursue.

They believe that they need to sell their bodies, give their bodies, pursue men, fight over men. They negotiate non-negotiables, put up with all kinds of things from their men to try to earn and keep them. Is this God’s plan?

Is this what goes on in the animal kingdom? Absolutely not! God designed it so that the male animals pursue and work for the right to mate with females. The female chooses whoever she chooses, when she is impressed enough by any particular male.

Jesus Christ Himself who is King, laid his life down for the Church. He loved us before we loved him: “We love him, because He first loved us.” 1 John 4 :19. Jesus loved us while we were yet sinners: “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5: 8.

See the pattern of the female or the woman being sought out, pursued, wooed, and won?

The analogy that the Lord inspired Apostle Paul to use is the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church and gave His life for her (Ephesians 5: 25-33).

The wife is to submit to her husband as the church submits in everything to Jesus Christ (Ephesians 5: 22-24). In the eyes of God, the church was worth it for Him to give His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ to die, so that we could have eternal life (John 3:16).

It is no surprise to me that many women are not valued by men. Some of these women do not know their own worth.

They do not value themselves. Consequently, they settle for men who don’t value them. Many girls and women are running around trying to lose ridiculous amounts of weight. Some compete in various ways with other women, hating other women, losing their minds, losing their morals, and losing their dignity in their obsessions to have men.

They want the approval, attention, and affection of men. Even in a country like America, which has many more freedoms than some other places around the world, for so long, some women have been settling for less. They are paying a price such as giving sex, giving money, ditching their dignity, and sometimes even losing their lives in pursuit of a men.

What is the end result of not knowing one’s worth and failing to honor God’s natural order in romantic relationships?

• Now many Christian women and other women are having difficult times finding men who will actually pursue them.

• There are a lot of men who don’t want to commit. They see women as sex objects. There are plenty women who are desperate enough to settle for less than the commitment they desire.

• Some men prefer online dating, where they do not have to face a woman until they are very comfortable.

• There are men in such fear of rejection, they don’t want to ask a woman out, unless they can pretty much know for sure she will say yes. The reality is, there will always be a risk of rejection when pursuing a woman.

• Some men are too shy, or for whatever reason don’t pursue.

Women are often taken for granted.

Even when they have already found great options, some men are hoping to find someone even “better.” I suppose this is what can happen when there is a surplus of quality options for men.

Some men want to play the roles of the pursued. There are women being the pursuers, so this makes it difficult for those women who operate in more traditional ways.

This is affecting marriage rates. Many women who desire to be married are not being pursued, even by Christian men. This is very frustrating for women!

The man is supposed to find a wife; not preoccupy himself with porn, casual sex, or sit around looking cute, waiting for a woman to find and chase him. Yet, plenty men have pornography at their fingertips.

Some women freely give sex, often in the hopes of getting commitment, but the committment doesn’t happen! Next will be part 2 of this post on how some current ideologies and behaviors are negatively affecting relationships and society in general. Ladies, your husband is supposed to find and pursue you.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18: 22.