Some of us ladies have had tendencies to become overly zealous when we became involved with a man. For some women, this may have taken the form of idolizing men and placing them as priority over almost everything and everyone soon after they met them.

For me, it was having that person on my mind almost constantly and having very strong feelings for him early on. I was positively presumptuous. It’s good to be positive while being careful, though. It’s also good not to be presumptuous.

What I learned is that in a few of those situations, I had a serious mindset about certain men who had casual mindsets about me.

I had been taught the purpose of dating. It was explained to me by my parents and members of the church that the goal for me in dating was basically to figure out who my husband is. So I was very serious-minded. Later, I learned not to automatically take a man seriously, just because he was showing interest, or just because we had gone out a few times.

Having been in relationships, I’ve learned the importance of never assuming anything about a man I am involved with. Here are four simple things that I believe are important for women to remember when they begin dating a man:

1. Never assume the worst about a man.

He is not the same man as a problematic ex or other problematic men. He deserves a chance to show who he is. There are gentlemen out there who will make ideal partners or spouses. Often, it will require a woman having a lot of patience before she meets this type of man who is the right one for her.

2. Never assume he is single.

What? Right. Whether or not a man is single or attached in any way to anyone else is a good question for women to consider and ask. Reasons to ask could be that a woman is simply curious. Or (rightfully so), she doesn’t want to unwittingly become involved in some kind of mess by coming in between a couple. It’s wise to ask.

3. Don’t assume he is serious about you.

Don’t assume he is or isn’t serious about you. It’s good not to take him too seriously at first. Time will tell. It’s okay for a woman not to explore other options and not casually date several men at once. It makes sense if she has tunnel vision for a particular man that she is interested in.

Yet, it’s important for her not to take any man too seriously if he has not yet shown her that he is taking her seriously. When a man is serious about a woman, there is a lot of evidence of that. In my experiences, I have not had to try to figure out whether a man was serious about me when he truly was.

If a woman likes a man a lot, it makes sense that she may not be interested in exploring other options while trying to get to know him. Still, it’s good for her to wait and see how serious the man is about her without assuming he is serious.

4. Never assume he is being exclusive with you.

Some women can be very emotionally intelligent, monogamy-oriented, mature-minded and ahead of the game when it comes to relationships. For this reason, they may take a man a bit too seriously too soon.

This can happen to Christian ladies especially, since we are taught that the ultimate goal of dating is marriage. Some women hone in on one man and assume that he is honed in on them in the same way. This may be the case, but often, it is not- especially, when a couple has not been seeing each other for long. I believe it is good for the woman to remain open-minded and relax without assumptions.

A single woman should not assume that a man she has begun casually dating is exclusive with her when he has not told her so.

Some men keep their dating options open until and unless they are serious about one particular woman. Some of them will also be unapologetically having sex with other women. One problem I’m seeing with some women is that they take certain men seriously quite soon, without the men being serious about them.

Technically, there’s nothing wrong with being serious-minded, but at the same time, it is important for young ladies to know that sometimes, the men that they are dealing with are simply collecting data on a variety of women.

Many of the more mature men dating are wisely looking out for themselves, trying to make sure that they make the best decisions possible. In order to find out who the best person is for them, even a serious-minded man may not automatically fixate on one woman right away.

They’re definitely can be exceptions. My experience with this is that when the man may feel that he really likes a woman, and she is potentially marriage material, even if he has not been dating her for long, he may fixate only on her.

Otherwise, many men go on dates with various women first. Meanwhile, some of those women are only fixated on the one man in a serious way, right from the start.

Trying to get to know different people is not playing the field.

I’m not necesssrily encouraging women to date various men, at the same time. That is up to each woman. But I believe there’s nothing wrong with it, if a woman is not serious about any one man.

For example, when she is just trying to get to know a gentleman, but she’s also trying to get to know other men until she clicks with the right one. I’m only referring to things such as dinner dates, meet-ups for conversation, coffee, Etc. When I say dating various men, I’m not talking about hookups.

For me, I find it to be overestimulating to focus on more than one man at a time! Generally, I think it’s good for women to keep a relaxed mindset and options open, unless they seriously like a particular man, or the man initiates a commitment to them.

Then, if the women have mutual feelings, and they take each other mutually seriously, then I believe the woman should respond on the man’s level of investment in her and commitment to her.

It is important to always be honest, authentic. If relationship status has not been addressed by the man, it’s good for the woman not to assume anything.

A man who takes a lady seriously should make this known to her. It shouldn’t be up to her to guess. As I always say, I believe it is important for a woman to allow the man to initiate in this regard. What I mean is, I believe a woman should respond.

When a man meets the woman that he knows he wants to settle down with and marry, he will make that clear to her. Sometimes, women may be impatient and anxious. Some want to rush a man to say “I love you.” It’s not as important when he says “I love you” as it is important that he actually means it.

I have frequently talked about how many women are very attracted to words that appeal to them. They are attracted by what they hear. Words are fine, but actions are a better indicator. It is important that a man treats a woman as if he really means it when he says he loves her. Love cannot be rushed. Mr. Right now may not be Mr. right.

Conclusion:

I believe it is good for a woman to wait for a man to verbalize and show her facts, rather than making assumptions about their relationship. My stance may not be popular opinion. However, my thoughts are formed in alignment with God’s word and His way of doing things.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2: 24.

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” Proverbs 18: 23.

As these verses also indicate, God designed male pursuit and female response.